How to say "I Love You" in 9 languages...
English . . . . . . . . I Love You
Spanish . . . . . . .Te Amo
French . . . . . . . Je T'aime
German . . . . . . .Ich Liebe Dich
Japanese . . . . . .Ai
Shite Imasu
Italian . . . . . . . . .Ti Amo
Chinese . . . . . . . Wo Ai Ni
Swedish . . . . . . ..Jag Alskar |
The English Language
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more
refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the
desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought
it was time to present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head
of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to
row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are
present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer
line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his
sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw
got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a
tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
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MY RESUME:
My first job was working in an orange juice
factory, but I got canned ...couldn't
concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack,
but I just couldn't hack it, so they
gave me the axe.
After that I tried to be a tailor,
but I just wasn't suited for it ...mainly
because it was a sew -sew job.
Next I tried working in a muffler
factory but that was too exhausting.
Then I tried to be a chef -- figured
it would add a little spice too my
life...........but I just didn't have the
thyme.
I attempted to be a deli worker,
but any way I sliced it, I couldn't
cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician,
but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.
I studied a long time to become a
doctor, but I didn't have any patients.
Next was a job in a shoe factory;
I tried but I just didn't fit in.
I became a professional fisherman,
but discovered that I couldn't live
on my net income.
I managed to get a good job
working for a pool maintenance
company, but the work was just too draining.
So then I got a job in a
workout center, but they
said I wasn't fit for the job.
After many years of trying
to find steady work I finally
got a job as a historian until I realized
there was no future in it.
My last job was working at
Starbucks, but I had to quit
because it was always the same old grind.
SO I RETIRED, AND I FOUND
I AM PERFECT FOR THE JOB!
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This is fun - let me know your new name!!
This only takes a minute. Please don't be a bore
and
ruin it. Send it onto everyone you know including
the person that
sent it to you. Sometimes when you have a stressful
day or week, you
need some silliness to break up the day. And, if
we are honest, we have a
lot more stressful days than not-
Here is your dose of humor...Follow the instructions
to find your new name. Once you have your new name,
put it in the
Subject box and forward it to friends and family
and co-workers. Don't forget
to forward it back to the person who sent it to you,
so they know you
participated. And don't go all adult- my son-in-law's
senior manager
is now known far and wide as Dorky Gizzardsniffer.
The following in an
excerpt from a children's book, "Captain Underpants. And the Perilous
Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey. The evil Professor
forces
everyone to assume new names...
Use the third letter of your first name to determine
your new first
name:
a = poopsie
b = lumpy
c = buttercup
d = gadget
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = fluffy
h = cheeseball
i = chim-chim
j = stinky
k = flunky
l = boobie
m = pinky
n = zippy
o = goober
p = doofus
q = slimy
r = loopy
s = snotty
t = tootie
u = dorkey
v = squeezit
w = oprah
x = skipper
y = dinky
z = zsa-zsa
Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of
your new last name:
a = apple
b = toilet
c = giggle
d = burger
e = girdle
f = barf
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = cootie
j = monkey
k = potty
l = liver
m = banana
n = rhino
o = bubble
p = hamster
q = toad
r = gizzard
s = pizza
t = gerbil
u = chicken
v = pickle
w = chuckle
x = tofu
y = gorilla
z = stinker
Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second
half of your new last name:
a = head
b = mouth
c = face
d = nose
e = tush
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = butt
l = brain
m = tushie
n = chunks
o = hiney
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = buns
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = kisser
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = brains
z = juice
Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is
Goober Chickenshorts. Now when you SEND THIS ON...use your new name as
the subject. And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a
day; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day. Put more laughter in your
day. |